Our big phat Nepali wedding

Namaste all! Hello and wow!

As the facebooks have dually noted, and as many of you may have already seen, our big phat Nepali wedding has come and gone. A few details to recount...

The days preceding the "biha" were spent mostly in a frenzy as I went hiking around my village inviting all the people I know to come and celebrate our bicultural/fusion wedding. All the women wanted to know if I would be wearing a red sari? Of course! Their excitement was palpable. Weddings, in fact, seem like the most important life event that marks a Nepalis life. Our wedding was certainly going to deviate a bit from the traditional course of events where: a group of people (usually men, and including the groom) usually go to the village of the bride to pick her up and transport her back to her new village (where her husband-to-be grew up and where she'll live the rest of her life) where her new house is full of guests and people awaiting her arrival and for the wedding festivities to commence. No, our wedding was a bit different than that, but my village counterparts hardly seemed to care about our deviations from cultural norms because, well, we were throwing a big phat wedding party and I guess that must have been fun and spectacle enough for curious Nepali onlookers. Yes, I spent a few days just running around telling people to please come and celebrate with us. I was only a bit nervous to think of all the moving parts I had to orchestrate to make the thing come off alright.. A bit of other work remained on the homefront too...a few nursery tasks to break up the wedding prep - more beds of cauliflower and cabbage to start. The onions have come up now too and once they are a bit taller they'll be ready for sale. (Now that all the millet is out of the fields, folks are plowing once again and making space for winter veggies.)

The house was nearly ready for the event, only a few last minute things like moving the wood piles and widening the dance floor remained....additionally, we called on neighbors and friends for extra pillows and blankets, as the whole of the Mathews' clan would need to be hosted in my house for about a week!

Three days before, I went to pokhara to receive Mom, Dad, Miles and Skye. Nir's parents arrived that day as well. What fun! What a whirlwind! A reunion in the east after over 20 months away! Stories of village of course paled in comparison to what everyone was about to participate in! Getting up early the day of departure from Pokhara for village, Nir, myself and our PC friend Garrett (the head chef for the event - what a blessing to have him on board! Truly he made the whole thing come off without a hitch!!) headed to the pokhara vegetable market to pick up some 30 kg of potatoes, 15 kg of onions, 3 large sacks of rice, cases of oil, sugar, tea, to say nothing of the radishes, cucumbers, bananas,pumpkins, garlic, ginger, masala, and all other necessary ingredients to feed our wedding guests. Piling the feast stuffs on the roof of the jeep we rented for a day (along with everyone's baggage) the driver grimaced as we got in and headed toward my village, the tires of his ride sagging a bit under the weighty load. As per usual serendipitous Nepali style, on the way towards Kushma we happened to pass my villages' bus that was stopped on the highway outside town. With a bit of convincing, we managed to unload some of our cargo unto the roof of the bus, which would make its way back up to village later that night. With a lighter load (and the drivers' lighter heart!) we made it to Durlung bumping our way up rocky roads to my house.

The next day was spent prepping - peeling and chopping, organizing and finalizing. As Nepali custom dictates, we were to prepare 2 feasts - one for our Dalit (untouchable) caste and one for all the other people who "cannot" eat our food. The whole debacle was (and is) ridiculous, but somehow friends of both Kopila's and mine from higher castes turned up the day of to lend a hand and help prepare their own (separate) foodstuffs. Yes... whatever anxiety I may have had while planning the wedding (as is typical of brides, I suppose) such as: will anyone come? How will we orchestrate the two meals? Will the water from our tap run all day and be enough to wash all the dishes? Will community members help us bring tables and chairs? Will the women assemble to play us ratyauli music? Will the tape deck work? (This, incidentally, was the limiting factor of the day. As the power had cut out that morning - a frequent occurrence in village, actually, we were forced to conserve battery and so alternated between our badass Hindi/Nepali/American digital mix and the traditional "ratyauli" drum and rhyme songs that the women of the community did end up coming together to play for us. The end result ended up being a beautiful cultural and traditional/technological mashup). Anyhow...it seems that all my worries were assuaged as the community showed up in mass to help with the preparations! Needless to say our American families also lent their hands and by 10:30 pm the night before we were all at least attempting to fall asleep, excitedly awaiting the day to come!

Waking up around 5:30 to start the fires to boil the potatoes! Running around making sure everything was in place! Greeting the first wave of peace corps volunteers who had come up in an early jeep to help with preparations. Picking weeds and trash to clean up the humble temple at which our small ceremony would be held. Nir and I sneaking away to practice our vows. Yow! I spent a considerable part of that morning getting my hair done (did?) by the resident beauty schoolers in village and having my Sari and makeup done up by Peace Corps friends who also showed up in their finest and flowing Nepali attire. Admittedly, we looked "ekdam ramro" ...damn good! By midday everyone was assembled and we hiked up to the mandir to conduct our humble ceremony. Guest speakers in both Nepali and English (my PC friend Shikha and my dad, respectively) were asked to share a few words, bookended by a song in English and a poem in Nepali that Nir and I wrote. The ceremony culminated in the Nepali equivalent of the exchanging of rings: the groom blesses the bridge with a spot of red powder on her forehead, right at her hairline. He'll also adorn her with a strand of red beads. And then it's done. Despite the lack of kissing in this culture (the mouth is usually considered "juTho" or unclean) we sealed the deal with a little "you may now kiss the bride what have you." It was pretty cool, I have to admit. The blending of cultures, the village, our families from the US and our peace corps community showing up en masse to celebrate made for quite the cosmic occasion. The people were fed (the food thanks to Garrett, was delicious!!!) and the dances were danced. We newlyweds of course received our obligatory (and really fun, truth be told) blessings of tikka - red rice - on our foreheads from the whole village...a wonderful stream of people who in merry procession made their way to us through the dancing crowd to affix this funny paste to our foreheads, and wish us a happy and long marital life together!

The day ended with a descent from village by bus and jeep and another - equally bustling and energetic - but decidedly more western, type of celebration in Kushma (my district capital). As the day wound down, we collapsed in bed with a great sigh of relief and exhaustion. The "biha" was "bhayo"...(done!)

The next few days were spent up in my village with family, doing all the normal village things that my days are usually comprised of when I'm not planning a village wedding, such as: visiting all the must see spots, planting potatoes with didi, watering the nursery tunnels, making compost, eating dhaal bhaat and Diro (all family members gave it the kiss of approval!) going to bed at 8:30 PM, and generally living the village life. Miles even found time to bless up the house with a sweet Ganesh mural he painted in a day! Didi and dhaai were stoked to meet my kin, and the bustle of the whole family certainly

lent a sweet energy to the daily tasks. Mom (despite her lack of Nepali language) of course made fast friends with my village family, especially the 7 year old "Mousi" who lives next door.

From village we (the family, sans nir - he headed back to his village for a bit) made our way up to Muktinath for a puja/pilgrimage/chance to freeze our butts off while absolving ourselves of our earthly sins under the 108 cow-headed taps that line the walls of the temple there. The temperatures at around 11,000 ft were no joke, but we managed to stay warm hiking the next four days down to warmer climes. Marking each day's end with a family sit - a meditation for our family (comprised of both burgeoning/well practiced buddhists and other spiritualists of sorts) served as a practice to anchor us in our travels and, as ever, in our breath. The trek that began in the freezing taps culminated in another ritual bathing, but this time at "Tato pani" - the literally translated "hot water" hot springs found adjacent to the kaali gandaki river that we had been hiking parallel to for the last few days. Finding our way out of the mountains on foot, and then bussing it back to Kushma post tato pani submersion, we finally made it back to village for a few days to bid goodbye to didi and dhaai.

What a collision of worlds, in the most graceful and miraculous way! I am still amazed to think of all the cultural exchanges and moments of sweet (mis?)understanding that occurred as my family here met my family there.

Well friends, the new year is rapidly upon us! Five more months of service to go just about! Wild to think of all the ways, routes and rites I've observed since coming here to live in Nepal. Now a wedded woman, we'll see where the wild and woolly way may wend yet! Wishing you all a sweet solstice, happy holidays and new year of resolve and renewal!

Blessings,

Aja